just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
