i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
