you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
