literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
