whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
