dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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