I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
