As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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