my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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