he thought i was a dude.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
