Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
