U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
