wakey wakey hands off snakey
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
