He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
