She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
