my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
