So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
