I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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