cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
