walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
