Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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