your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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