he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
