He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
