hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
