I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
