THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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