I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
