I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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