I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
