The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
