I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
