The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
