so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
