dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
