You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
