the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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