Me. At least after what I've been through.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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