Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
