and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
