He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
