I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
