No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
