Already got asked if we're dating
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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