bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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