Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
