I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
