Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
