Well apparently he's into motor boating.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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