So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
