i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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