your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
