I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
