shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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