weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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