mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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