Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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