$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
