idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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