His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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