the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
