If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just got carded by a ten year old.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
