It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
