Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
