im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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