in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
