Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
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I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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