SEEEEXXX PLEASE
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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