3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
