Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
