u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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