Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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