My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
