Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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