Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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