I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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