All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
