her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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