She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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