My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
