I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
